Partners in a marriage do not live in the same world because of their own histories and experiences. They each perceive things in their own unique way and respond to each other and attribute certain values to things and those are different. The tendency most of us have is to convince our partner that our world is correct, the right one.
"If you just see it the way I am trying to explain it to you , you would understand and then everything would be okay. "
That is a hopeless endeavor.
It is normal to consider our partner to be the problem when difficulties arise. “I shouldn’t have to be the one to change.” The problem is that this position leads to a sense of helplessness, since it does not work.
Paradoxically, we have more influence on our partners when we stop trying to change them and instead work to become the best partner we can be. What type of partner do I aspire to be. Our partners develop respect for us when we make positive changes. This makes it more likely they will also make a positive change. Remember these powerful 2 letter words:
"IF IT IS TO BE IT IS UP TO ME"
Jim Binder, MD