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The Mindset Couples Need To Change For Healthy Communication


Partners in a marriage do not live in the same world because of their own histories and experiences. They each perceive things in their own unique way and respond to each other and attribute certain values to things and those are different. The tendency most of us have is to convince our partner that our world is correct, the right one.


      “ If you just see it the way I am trying to explain it to you, you would    

          understand and everything would be OK.”       VJ


That is a hopeless endeavor.


It is normal to consider our partner to be the problem when difficulties arise. “I shouldn’t have to be the one to change.”  The problem is that this position leads to a sense of helplessness, since it does not work.


Paradoxically, we have more influence on our partners when we stop trying to change them and instead work to become the best partner we can be. What type of partner do I aspire to be. Our partners develop respect for us when we make positive changes. This makes it more likely they will also make a positive change. Remember these powerful 2 letter words:

                       “IF IT IS TO BE IT IS UP TO ME “       PP




Jim Binder, MD

Jim Binder  is a retired family-centered pediatrician and child psychiatrist. He now specializes in couple therapy and practices at The Family Therapy Center in Cincinnati, Ohio. Jim continues to seek advanced supervision to better help couples. His unique background is especially helpful when couples are struggling with agreement on parenting issues or coming to terms with a medical condition in one of the partners or their child.  Jim has been married to Susan for 45 years and has three grown children.

To schedule an appointment with Jim please call The Family Therapy Center at 513-861-9797.








  1. Bader E, Pearson P. In quest of the mythical mate: a developmental approach to diagnosis and treatment in couples therapy. Florence, KY: Brunner/ Mazel; 1988.
  2. Joines V. Couples therapy. In: Kadis LB, editor. Redecision Therapy: expanded perspectives. Watsonville. CO: Western Institute for Group and Family Therapy;1985.